Charisma

We have two volunteers here who have charisma to burn – they are quite different from each other in the type of charisma they have, but they both have it in spades. Now, this isn’t going to be a blog post about these people specifically (though I have no doubt that one will absolutely think it is,😉 ), more about the general concept of charisma and the effect that some people have on those around them. These volunteers are merely the catalyst for the post.

There are some people who attract attention without even trying. They glow, they sparkle, they light up a room, they expand, they take up space. They are noticed by everyone wherever they are and whatever they do. The sort of person who could stand still on a half-darkened theatre stage and be utterly captivating. I’ve known a few in my time, both in real life and on screen. Some who are really lovely people, who I am entranced by and very happy to be entranced by (eg all of the Doctors, especially David Tennant). And there are a couple of dancers I’ve known too who are like this. Others, who, for whatever reason, I hate myself for liking, because I can see through the effect they have (I still experience the effect, I just see through it). I guess my best example of this is James Bond. Thoroughly objectionable man if you think about it at all, but pretty and charming and manages to smile and everyone falls over themselves to do whatever he wants. I’ve known some men working in sales who have been like this. And I’ve known some women who have this effect as well.

Then there are people with a much more gentle charisma, those who make friends with everyone very easily. They are charming and gracious and take up less space but are still noticed by everyone.

And the thing that I find interesting is that I can’t explain what it is about these people that has this effect (other than to say charisma, but that feels like a symptom rather than a cause). It’s not about what they say, it’s often not even about how they say it. There is something about intention I think (two men can say the same thing – one is obviously joking in an endearing manner and the other is obviously lecherous). It’s not about how nice or generous or witty or funny someone is. Though I think these things all contribute.

There are people who have anti-charisma – those who manage to rub everyone up the wrong way, instantly and effortlessly. And if the charismatic and anti-charismatic people are two ends of a spectrum, then it may well be that those in the dead centre of this line are the ones that are neither endearing nor objectionable, the people who seem to take up no space at all. The ones who can have left a party two hours ago and no one notices. The ones who can have joined a party two hours ago and no one notices.

I’ve taught dance classes featuring examples of all three of these and I try very hard to make sure I’m giving attention to the anti-charismatic students as well as the charismatic ones. Giving the right attention to the almost invisible ones is, of course, much more difficult. It’s easy to assume that they garner no attention because they want no attention and I’m not entirely sure that this is always the case.

I’m talking about all of this as if this notion of charisma is completely objective, and I suspect it isn’t. I think there are probably some aspects of charisma and anti-charisma that are quite objective (in that people known for their charisma are generally liked by everyone), but I imagine quite a bit of it is subjective. And given that we all behave differently on different days with different people depending on all sorts of things, I imagine that how charismatic someone is also waxes and wanes.

I find it interesting in my current context because I want to be someone who takes up some space but not too much, someone who allows others to shine and flourish, and someone who doesn’t alienate others. I don’t really think there is anything I can learn from the charismatic ones that I can apply to myself because I don’t think it works that way. But I do think I can try to be nice and try to see the effect I have on others and try to be aware of my impact on the people around me. This is, of course, very difficult since I’ve never been in a room I’m not in!