Nostalgia

In February and March, I spent 5 weeks in Australia and this is the longest stretch I’ve had there in a very long time.

It was really lovely to spend quite a bit of unhurried, quality time with friends and family. As always, I didn’t see all the people I would have liked to, and several I didn’t see enough of, but that’s ok, that just means going back again sometime soon.

But there were some people I met with who I haven’t seen in person for more than 20 years. And that was very weird. Wonderful, but weird. Weird, because in a lot of ways it felt just like yesterday, and yet, it clearly wasn’t. Wonderful, because it felt just like yesterday, and yet, it clearly wasn’t.

One of these friends said it goes to show how important those friendships from the formative years are, and that got me thinking. He’s a wise man, he always was, even at 20.

And yes, some of these friends were friends I made while I was a teenager and young adult. But more important than the age I was when these people were my friends, they were people who I spent time with while I was learning (and deciding) who I was. They helped me become the person I am today. Because we bounced silly ideas off each other late into the night. Because we had loud, friendly, heated, passionate discussions about things that are both exceedingly important and things that are completely trivial (the role of the UN in international politics; is affirmative action a good thing to increase the representation of women (or other groups) in domains where they are underrepresented; whether tap water from the bathroom tap tastes nicer than tap water from the kitchen tap; it’s 2am and we have an exam at 9am, so should we get coffee and ice cream and make nachos while we shave our friend’s head; etc).

I found myself feeling slightly sad that I hadn’t made more of an effort to keep in touch with these people over the years. But then again, since we were able to sit for hours and talk about all the things, maybe it doesn’t matter.

What was also interesting was chatting to one of my friends about others we had both known 25 years ago. That person has a senior role in a major Human Rights charity. Yes, of course they have. I remember them when they were 25 and it completely makes sense: they were passionate and principled and kind then. However, had it turned out that the same person had turned out to be senior partner in a major private law firm then I would have been equally happy to draw the connecting line. Yes of course that’s what they were doing. When they were 25 they were competent and driven and dedicated and incredibly intelligent.

I guess this is what we humans do. We make connections between the data points we have. We construct a narrative, because we need stories to make sense of the world.

I very much love my life and am very happy with the vast majority of the choices I’ve made and the path I’ve taken. But it has been fun, looking back to 20 year old me and wondering what she would have made of who I am now. How different I would be if I’d made different choices back then. If I’d stayed with the debating club a little longer. If I hadn’t joined the fencing club. If I’d stayed in Australia and continued to have a weekly meet up to play 500 and eat nachos with the same gang.

I don’t want to go back and change anything. I want to carry on from where I am. But I just might try and bring some of these friends a little closer during the next 25 years.