Something that women (as a group) have known for a long time, is that financial independence is exceedingly important. Without it, women are curtailed and dependent in ways that can have devastating consequences. Something that many women (as individuals) don’t seem to realise, is just how important that independence is. So a man (father, husband, boyfriend) who pays for everything for you might be quite lovely. Until you realise that perhaps you might prefer to be somewhere else with someone else (or with no one else), and you can’t leave, because you can’t ask him for the bus fare. If you have a bank account, but he also has access to it, then he can potentially block it. If, for example, you left him and took the kids with you and he wanted you (or at least them) back.
In theory and objectively and while thinking about other people it is obvious. In practice, when you’ve been groomed your entire life by the notion that your prince will come and provide for you while you care for the children; and when you meet someone who you genuinely care for and who treats you well and who you want to spend your life with, financial independence seems churlish.
It isn’t. It is a fundamental building block that allows women to protect themselves.
If you have a joint bank account with someone you love and live with, this is probably fine. If you have your own ability to earn enough money, then the separate bank account matters less, because at some future point you can easily just open a new bank account for yourself and get your wages paid into it.
A wedding registrar once told me that of the people she knew who had joint finances, the marriages lasted. Many of the marriages that didn’t last were people with separate finances. I think she thinks that wanting joint finances points to a level of commitment that also extends to the relationship. She also thinks that relationships lasting are always a good thing. I see it differently. Long-lasting relationships are wonderful if they are the right thing. But when a relationship should end, it should be possible for both parties to walk away from it. A relationship that lasts because it has become a cage for one person (with the joint bank account being the bars) probably isn’t something that we should be celebrating.
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