Throwing yourself out of your comfort zone and living in quite a different environment is amazing for all sorts of reasons, and can be challenging for all sorts of reasons. One challenge is how to be present in what you’re doing without dismissing things, missing things, getting overly attached / burnt out / overcommitted, etc.
And this applies to people as well as to experiences and to the work you are doing.
In normal, off-project life (I dislike both of those modifiers, but they sort of work and you probably know what I mean), a lot of things become background and how much emotional energy you invest in different aspects of your life become quite normalised, plus, there are usually not that many completely novel things being thrown at you, and when there are, they usually come in ones and twos. In project / travelling life, almost everything is new and novel things come not single spies but in battalions.
Something I have been reflecting on recently is how to give things exactly the importance they deserve. I don’t want to ignore what’s happening around me because I’m too busy missing the last place or looking forward to the next place. I don’t want to think everything happening here is just habit now and so not get excited each time I see the smile of concentration on the face of the barista who is making my iced mocha (seriously, come to Hetauda in Nepal to Sesame restaurant and Himalayan Coffee shop which is next door – these blended iced mochas are complete works of art). But I also don’t want to get utterly overwhelmed by thinking everything that I’m seeing is the absolute best thing in the entire universe. The sensory overload can be very exhausting.
The same thing applies to the work we do on these sorts of projects. The school itself is really important. Cleaning these bricks so they can be reused is an important part of the work we’re doing, but if one or two bricks break as a result of a poor hit with a chisel then that’s not the end of the world. Tying rebar is really important because if the rebar isn’t tight the columns can sway a bit and come off their centre which means the concrete can’t be poured until they are redone. However, if one single rebar tie snaps or is a bit loose, the whole building won’t fall over. Each task deserves the importance it deserves and finding that and understanding that means we can do work that is of a sufficiently high standard that it meets the building regulations, is safe and is earthquake resilient without getting overly stressed about the things that in practice don’t matter too much.
When it comes to people and relationships this is hard too. One approach to meeting lots of volunteers on project is to assume you probably won’t see them again, so there’s not much point in learning their names, or anything about them – they’ll be gone in a fortnight so it doesn’t matter. Another approach is to get super invested in each volunteer and their life experiences and future plans: exchange numbers; cry when they leave; lend them vast sums of money; promise to name your children after them; give them your spare keys and the code to your home security system; etc. Of course, there is a third way, and that is to connect with people and to appreciate the connection you make with them, whatever that connection is. Some of those connections will last just for the length of the project, others will persist long after.
And yes, I know that this post makes it sound like I have this completely sorted out and that it’s easy. Neither of these things are true. I am definitely better at this now than I was 20 years ago. I have got better at understanding the relationships and appreciating them for what they are. Though, sometimes there are people who barrel straight through all my defences (definitely the wrong word, I don’t really have defences) and who make a beeline straight for my heart and soul and just take up residence there. In other cases, it’s more of a drifting-backwards-through-a-hedge sort of vibe (there’s a great Simpsons meme of this with Homer disappearing through a hedge, one reason the internet exists is so that you can find this), where I just turn around one day and find they’ve melted their way into the centre of my being. There are people who have done this to me throughout my life, many of whom I still communicate with on a very regular basis.
But, what I am certainly better at (not perfect, but better) is not killing myself chasing after someone because I think the relationship with them is everything when in fact it isn’t. I’m also better at not getting into a situation where someone else is chasing me because they think the relationship is everything when in fact it isn’t. This is hard with two people within a culture but even harder cross-culture where there is an inherent power dynamic between the person who is privileged enough to be able to travel and the person who is not – especially if that person is a community member who is engaged with or benefiting from the volunteering intervention of the other.
Some of the friends I’m making here will be friends for life; some I will never see again; some of my spacers / cupcakes were works of art; others were a little wonky; some decisions really matter; others much less so.
And the iced mochas deserve an awful lot of importance (seriously, they really do)!!!
Cheers!
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